Eggnogg Holidays
by cgaussie01
Summary: Genderbending Co-written with indigofireflies. It's the Christmas season and Richard was looking forward to a quiet night in, his chances are smashed when a blue skinned alien and fish in a robot suit crash his apartment.


It was darkening, flakes of snow beginning their steady descent as Richard pulled up to his apartment. He yawned, stopping his car and taking the keys out. It had been an exhausting day at the office. With the treacherous winter encroaching, there were reports to do and people to talk to, and he'd been on his feet the entire day. He swung his knitted scarf around his neck, grabbing his briefcase and small bag of groceries, consisting of chips, eggnog, and a fruitcake from the convenience store. He made his way up the stairs. He noticed Carlos wasn't sitting in his corner at the foyer. The lack of cigar smoke struck him odd. It was the holidays, after all. He was probably at his family's house. Richard went up the stairs quickly. He stopped short. His door was swung wide open. The doorknob was thrown across the room, pins and bolts scattered across the ground. Nervous, Richard slowly stepped inside, snatching a baseball bat from a corner. The TV was on. Why was it on?

He wielded it carefully, then shouted "Who's in here? I'm going to call the cops on you!" He stepped into his living room, to see the bulbous blue head of... Megamind.

She was lying down, upon his nice leather couch and was holding a bowl full of popcorn. Today she was wearing something a little more... different to what he was normally used to seeing her in. A black, strapless, skintight dress clung to her slim frame (the kind of body some super models would kill for, no doubt) and spread out at her feet. The dress however had an interesting cut that went all the way up her left leg, revealing a blue garter belt holding black stockings up. Her high heels were ridiculously high as usual, strappy, and a few spikes sticking out of the heels. As usual the fingerless gloves were there, and went all the way up to her under arms. Turning her head she stared at him with a mild look of surprise before it turned into a smile. "Ah, mister Roxxi. We were wondering when you were going to get home. Heavy snow fall perhaps?" she asked.

Richard swallowed hard, his eyes trailing up the tender exposure of her legs peeking through the mat of fishnet. He threw the bat down along with his briefcase. Infuriation filled him. She thought she could just... storm in here? Ruin his door? Eat his food? He snatched the remote from his glass coffee table and turned off the TV. He turned to glare at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh now that's just rude." she pouted, moving the bowl to the glass coffee table and seemed to slink to her feet since he certainly didn't see any part of her bend at all. "Well I hadn't seen you for a few days, I thought we'd just pop by."

From the bathroom came a flushing noise, then the sounds of somebody moving around in there who was far bigger then usual. The door slid open and there stood Minion, who smiled brightly when he saw the 'guest' had arrived. "Ah, why hello there mister Roxxi!" he greeted before leaning in close and whispering, "You've run out of toilet paper."

Richard raised his eyebrows. "How you use the toilet, I'm not even going to ask." He turned back to the petite alien before him, glaring. He let out an exhausted sigh. "Look. Just get out. I've had a long day. Can you do that much for me?" His words were sharp and irritated. It was true, however. All he had wanted to do was read and maybe sneak a few drinks of the champagne he'd been saving. Richard didn't care for the holidays. And Megaminds' presence simply reminded him how limited his social life was. Minion glanced anxiously at his mistress.

"Let me think. No." Megamind replied without missing a beat and walked over to him, and set her hands onto her curved hips which seemed far more noticeable in this kind of dress. "It's not every day I take time out of my busy schedule of nefarious schemes and plottings to visit my favourite kidnap victim, if I were you I'd be honoured by such a visit! No doubt you're far more accommodating when Metro Woman pays a visit, hm?" she asked, narrowing an eye at him as she spoke.

Richard rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Accommodating. I feel so very lucky to be... 'graced' with your presence." He slipped into the kitchenette, taking out a glass and pouring himself some eggnog. On a second thought, he took out another glass, filling it as well. 'Might as well make the best of my damn intrusion,' he grimly thought. He walked over to the couch and sat down, gesturing to Megamind as she stared at him. "Take a seat - Megs," he smirked.

"I can have Minion give you a Brazilian wax, you know." Megamind replied testily, the acid rising in her tone of voice but, either way, she took the glass from him with not so much as a thank you. She sank back down into her seat and crossed her legs, sniffing at the drink. "What is this? Liquid cheese?"

"Egg-nog," he corrected. "It's a holiday drink." He kicked off his shoes, casting them into a corner and propped his feet on top of the coffee table. He flipped through the channels lazily, finally setting it on Mythbusters. He took a sip, enjoying the burn of rum racing down his throat. He glanced at Megamind. "So what possessed you to come over? Surely you have alien-family to visit?"

"Foolish human," Megamind replied as she took a sip of the drink. Minion, for some reason, suddenly looked very concerned about something. "My entire species was eradicated when a black hole swallowed my home planet up. The only family you see for me is right there." she pointed to Minion, who still looked very worried. "What about you? Surely the woman who pushed you out into this existence would be worth at least a phone call or a visit? Or do you not get along with her?"

Richard blinked. Swallowed up by a black hole? He almost regretted the question, wincing at her stale reaction. Minion shuffled behind him, mechanic hydraulics whirring. Her lashes were dark against the soft blue of her skin, lowered to looking curiously at her drink. For a moment, he was silent, then spoke, "We don't get along. She lives in California."

For jus a moment, the blue alien looked almost melancholy as it seemed as though she was thinking about a race of people she would never truly know. She would never know their history, what kind of instruments they played, or anything like that. Little did Richard know the female alien remembered things from way back when she was merely a day old. It was something she seemed to possess, probably because of such a huge brain. But that look vanished at what Richard aid next, and she turned her gaze from the drink to him. "What? Tell me why would she not get along with you." it was a command, not a question.

The words spilled from his mouth before he could plug them up with eggnog. He breathed softly, then looked down at his worn fingers. "She was always at work. She never... really ever paid attention to me. I'm a bit bitter from it. I'm much closer to my dad. He divorced her a few years back." Richard took another drink. "What about you? Surely you have... friends, lovers of some sort? Minion can't be completely it." But he knew Minion was - but it was simply worth asking. Minion looked down in his globe. He knew the answer before Megamind said it.

The alien had finished her glass already, and was licking at the inside with her tongue. Hearing the question her eyes glazed over a moment before she sniffed in an indignant kind of way, and lifted her head. "Really, mister Roxxi. You've been doing exposes about me for years and you don't even know that? Sloppy." she set the glass down and looked at him, eyes slightly narrowed. "Please. You think I would tarnish myself by palling around with human beings? Your brains are so small and under developed. No." she snorted, before tilting her large blue head back so she could peer up at Minion. "Minion has been with me since I was merely eight days old and we've only been apart when Metro Woman goes and throws me in jail. Luckily for her Minion is smart enough to escape during the chaos in which to break me out of jail later. Isn't that right Minion?"

"Of course, Mistress! We're a fantastic duo." He glows happily in his tank for a moment, before glancing at her slumping figure curiously. "Mistress, I don't recommend drinking anymore. You know how badly you take alcohol."

"What?" grinned Richard sardonically. "She can't handle her drinks? Oh, this is great. Now I have a drunken alien and a blasted fish in my house. Couldn't ask for a greater holiday."

"You badly take to alcohol." Megamind slurred, her speech already affected by one single glass. "And this isn't alcoholic! It's EGG. Unfertilised embryos!" she suddenly leaned into Richard, holding up the empty glass. "Speaking of what's a girl to do to get a refill?"

Richard raised his eyebrows at the slurring super villain. He swallowed as he realized most men would take advantage of such a woman before him. It was tempting - but he feared her devices and her Minion far too much to even attempt. "I don't think you should have any more, Megs-"

"MEGAMIND." she snapped, jabbing him in the chest with a finger. ". Not Megs! I don't go calling you DICK, do I?" Megamind asked before actually climbing over him in order to go to the fridge and find more of the drink. "Then again maybe I should. That would make things hilarious. Behold Metro Woman! I have stolen your Dick!" she burst into hysterics as she pulled out the jug of eggnog.

Richard immediately stood, snatching the carton from her slender fingers. "No. I don't want to clean up your vomit from my carpet." He grinned a little at her 'Dick' comment. "Metro Woman probably has one, with all those muscles," he joked. He snuck the jug behind his back before she could snatch it.

"MINION. FETCH THE NOGG." Megamind demanded, pointing to Richard dramatically.

Minion groaned. "Mistress, you are DRUNK! No. Mister Roxxi, please put it away."

Richard did so, swinging open the fridge door before he felt cobalt blue nails sink into his arm.

Megaminds' lower half was on the floor, legs sprawled out and hands digging into his arms and her large head pressing against his side. "Noooo, no no no NO. I just want a little bit! I don't want it all! Please? I won't kidnap you for a week if you do pllleeeeaasseee-really, you think she has a dick?"

"Maybe. There is a bulge. She's alien. Who knows? You might have one. ... Make it a month and it's a deal," he decided. He struggled to move out of the way - Megaminds' face was dangerously near his... lower region, and he didn't want to risk any unwanted reactions to the idea of... he shook the idea out of his head. He needed her out of the house.

The blue alien snorted and pulled herself to her feet and pressed her whole body against his own, gripping at his back. "Richard... I am all WOMAN. Want to see?" she purred seductively. Next thing she knew Minion had intervened, easily pulling the slim alien woman away from the Earthling with a robotic hand, the look on concern clearly plastered on his face.

"Mistress - you're drunk!" he whined, holding her back despite her struggling. Richard let out a relieved sigh.

"Maybe you should take her back to the lair," he offered.

"I don't want to go back to the lair!" Megamind said, slipping away from Minion far too easily than one would hope for. She went to the couch and climbed back onto the couch again, this time face slightly to the side and tried to watch the two strange humans experiment on how much concrete you could blow up in a concrete mixer without destroying the vehicle. She liked how they blew up things, and the bald one.

Richard glanced cautiously at Minion before venturing back to the couch. He sat on the edge of the couch, anxious for her next move. "You really should go to sleep - or something. Or go home. So I can relax for once." He noticed how fragile and sweet she looked - not dissimilar from a kitten curled coyly up. He resisted the urge to reach out and stroke that silky skin, swallowing hard.

Her gaze moved from the television to him, and he could see how purple her face looked. Instead of turning red, maybe? "..I don't want to go back to the lair. I want to be here." she mumbled before looking back to the television set. Suddenly she sniffed. "You didn't even comment on my new dress. Minion was up till midnight making this so I could wear it especially for today."

He blinked, taken aback. "I... I like it," he said softly. "It's clingy, and the garter belt is a nice touch. It looks very good on you - even sexy. And the heels are a nice touch, if not menacing." He couldn't help it. Everything he said was true, and he wanted to make her feel even a little better - and see her sharply angled cheeks turn a more vivid shade of indigo.

They did, very quickly. She smiled a drunken, happy smile, and buried her face into the pillow she was clinging to and giggled in a way that reminded him of teenage girls who seemed to travel in flocks. "Thank you." she said from the pillow.

"Y-You're welcome," he murmured, staring at the explosion on the screen. He stood, pouring another glass of eggnog for himself. He tried to be quiet - but nothing escaped the temptress, drunk as she was, curled on his couch. He heard a mewling sound, like a cat begging for milk.

When had she turned around? In that fraction of a second which took him to look at the television screen? She was sitting up, hands in front of her, and eyes on the glass in his hands. Once he looked at her Megamind fluttered her eyelashes. "A month. I won't come near you for a wholllllle month."

He couldn't help himself. Richard grinned, taking a long draught from his glass. "But what if I happen to enjoy your company?" he purred, looking at her from behind the glass.

She looked a little taken aback by that question. Somebody would like her company? Nobody ever liked her company. Nobody. Once she had grown from adorable baby to troublesome toddler most of the female prisoners who raised her tended to tune her out. Not to mention her bout in grade school, where she was ridiculed. Needless to say the closest thing she had to a mother, the Warden of the prison, even hated seeing her. Megamind blinked a few times, that strong blush remaining in place. "You would?"

"Mister Roxxi," Minion spoke up finally after watching this little conversation with great hesitation. "You aren't trying to set up my Mistress' hopes in order to dash them across the ground now, are you?"

He had totally forgotten that Minion was even in the room. He laughed, the alcohol having an effect. "No. I'm being honest - you're funny, hot, and the most intelligent girl I know. I do to some extent."

Minion narrowed his eyes, though, as he watched. It was his job to protect Megamind, and if that meant protecting her from somewhat drunk, horny men then by Gods he was going to do it. Still he couldn't deny a small smile at seeing how... blissfully happy his mistress looked. Megamind put her hands to her face, face and ears well and truly purple, and shut her eyes. "Oh go on."

Richard glanced at Minion. His teeth were bared dangerously, and a definite growl emanated from his speakers. However, Megamind looked so amazingly pleased, her unearthly green eyes glimmering brightly in the dark of the TV. So he did go on, losing himself in the sudden drunken outburst of emotions surging outwards.

"You're beautiful - and impossibly slender but you have curves where you need them - and you're kind, even if you hide it from everyone. But I know you are - look how well you treat the brain bots, and how affectionately you take care of Minion. And your outfits are amazing, if not strange, but it's... a good strange, y'know-?"

Megamind had never heard such things before. Sure, Minion said things similar to this but hearing it coming from Richard, someone out side of her 'family' was a thrilling thing. Her green eyes were wide open in shock, and mouth slightly slack. She suddenly surged forward, throwing he arms around him and just held onto him for a few bone crushing seconds. For such a slender, skinny thing she seemed to have strength where it mattered. "I could not have chosen a better guy to kidnap." she whispered before letting him go and actually going "Yoink!" and stole the drink he had set down on the glass table and drank it like a shot.

Taken aback, he stumbled back, gasping as she pulled away. "Hey! Don't-!" But it was too late. She stumbled backwards, grinning lazily at him. Minion started walking forward, perhaps to stop his mistress from a deadly mistake. Richard backed himself in front of the fridge. If she drank any more, she'd try to strip on the table! ... So why was he stopping her?

If he were any one else he would probably use this in a story. But the last time he smeared the villainous female's name in the papers he had almost gotten his legs waxed while watching Crossroads. He did NOT want a replay of that.

Giggling, Megamind gripped at Minion's forearms and looked up at him, well and truly plastered. "Miiinionnn, I love you SO much...! You're like... like the best thing in my life and I don't know what, what I'd do without you...!"

"Yes, Mistress," Minion said, sounding a little bored, yet pleased with the lavish compliments. "We need to get you home before you hurt Mister Roxxi. Or -he- hurts YOU." At this, he shot a dangerous look to the man in front of the refrigerator. Richard cringed.

She laughed again before suddenly jumping up, and wrapping he arms around the dome and pressed a kiss to the glass approximately where his forehead would be. In result, a black imprint of her lips were left upon the glass. Showing her dexterity she suddenly leapt over the dome, did a roll, and landed in front of Richard. Standing up to her full height, she grinned at him. "Yer cute." she said before grabbing him by the collar and pulled him down, and kissed him full on the lips.

Minion let out an indignant scream of anger - but Richard didn't catch it, because he was out - zoned out, out of mind and body as his arms wound around Megaminds' slender waist, losing himself in the kiss. She tasted of eggnog, the rum a tender chaser. Her fingers trailed his chest, dagger-sharp and creating little Goosebumps beneath his shirt.

Next thing he knew though, the warmth of the kiss and slender body was gone, all but ripped from him by the fish in a gorilla suit. Minion then pushed Richard back into the fridge in a rare show of rage. "HOW DARE YOU!" he screamed, Megamind now lovingly draped over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Taking ADVANTAGE of her! You're lucky I don't break your arms and legs for this! Count yourself lucky Mistress likes you as much as she does or you'd be torso boy by now!" he scolded, before backing up, watching Richard as if he expected him to even try something with him. Slowly, he began to back out of the apartment, Megamind mumbling something drunk over his shoulder but it was lost to all.

Then they were gone.

He let out the breath he'd been holding, heart pounding in his chest. His tongue ran over his lips. The sweet taste of her lingered. He popped open the door of the fridge, pouring another glass and drinking it deeply. Anything for another tease of her.

He sat down, sighing softly as he watched the screen of his TV. The snow flurried double-fold outside. The pillow she had curled into merely minutes before was on the ground. He picked it up, before sighing angrily to himself.

Perhaps it was the eggnog, but he missed that damn genius already.

Megamind was only aware that it got incredibly cold suddenly, and she curled into the arms holding her. They were nice, mechanical, faux furry arms she knew. She giggled, opening her eyes and glanced up at the fish that was now opening the door to the invisible car. "'m glad we had a little visit, aren't you Minion?" she asked.

"I... suppose so, Mistress," Minion sniffed. Megamind smiled lazily as he lowered her into the backseat. As she stretched out, spikes snagging on the leather interior, he slipped into the driver's seat. He glanced out at the window at the apartment before him.

At least he knew where he lived, he thought happily to himself, if he ever touched his Mistress again.


End file.
